She said, “She’ll never rely on a man”.

This will be iffy for some of you, and that's ok. I want to write a little on this: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits" Proverbs 18:21.

Before I was introduced to word curses and word promises/blessings, I was introduced to affirmations and the power of "I am." I say this to bring light to the notion, not to approve of that idea. 

Something was off when my then marriage began to suffer. Please understand what I'm saying. It takes two to unfasten a union, but I can only speak from my side. I felt very alone in my once-upon-a-time marriage. It was like it was me (and my daughter) against the world because the teamwork between me and my then-husband didn't exist, nor was it solid. So, like any fleshly led human, I wrongly looked elsewhere to establish my feet on a stable foundation. Everything seemed so shaky. I was desperate for something that would change my life for the better, but not desperate enough to completely give it to God. Not yet…

I sought comfortable, entertaining, and less "religiousy" improvement methods. So I began investigating affirmations. That's the idea of speaking positive declarations over your days and yourself so you can change your mindset or even the course of life, like if you said, "I'm going to win the lottery" daily. And if you really visualized it and began living your life like you already won it and claimed the winning ticket was in your hand when you purchased it, then the power in those words could, poof, make it come true. That's an extreme example, although I'm sure someone out there will be a witness to that. My affirmations were different. I would write daily words of encouragement like, "My business will be successful," "I am beautiful mind, body, and soul," "My bank account will be blessed," and "I will be wildly productive today." You get the idea. That was what I needed then, so I attempted to speak it into existence during some somber days. But it was more like I was trying to convince myself these statements were plausible rather than absolute truths. Did they help me get through the day? Yes, I think so. Did I ever win the lottery or even see a monumental amount of life change to believe my daily affirmations were working? Nope, only when I changed a significant, specific thing. But I kept this habit alive for probably too long because it was comforting to my soul. 

Now let me go back a little bit. My mother was rarely wrong in my little girl's tunnel vision version of my younger life. Most people would agree my mother was a passionate, determined, and insanely independent woman. (eh, I get it from my mama.) So many of my mother's close friends have spoken to me, and a couple motifs began to pop up when I paid close attention. My mother told everyone that when she found out she was having a baby girl... that her daughter would be smart. This stemmed from her insecurity of thinking she needed to be more knowledgeable. She thought she was only capable of teaching dance and instructing kids. Those who knew Miss Renee knew much differently, but you couldn't convince my mom otherwise. Crazy enough, though, my mother didn't hound me to finish my homework; I just liked schoolwork. She didn't have to tell me to read my books because it was rare not to find me already chapters deep at any given time. She wasn't a helicopter parent about my education, even though she greatly desired me to be wise. My fascination with books, the library, lists, and words burned like wildfire. I don't know if our definitions of "smart" match up, but I know she was satisfied that I consistently appeared on A/B honor rolls, received many awards for my writing growing up, and double majored in two of my favorite things at college. Am I a doctor? Nope... that's a whole different kind of intelligence. Could she have spoken that contribution to my education into existence? 

I have been told another thing my mother professed over me: "I was not going to rely on a man." Now, if we really think about this, doesn't that go hand in hand with me being "smart"? If I wasn't going to rely on man, any man (for what exactly?), wouldn't I have to rely on myself to figure some things out? I know my mother meant it in love and with kindness and protection. So again, maybe whatever issues she was experiencing at the time were spilling out onto me. That's not a unique idea... that sometimes our children get the hurt version of us when we're thinking we're giving them our best. 

Anyway, here we were; my mother was proven right that I couldn't rely on a man. In my situation, it was financial and emotional. So I did as I was taught and told:

• Take matters into my own hands.

• Create my own happiness.

• March off confidently into the world.

• Be little miss persistent. 

It. Didn't. Work. 

My mother was absolutely correct. I wouldn't rely on a man because it's not about relying on any man here on Earth. Hurt humans hurt one another. Humans will want to be heard in their pain more than you can listen to them. I’m not saying don’t try to help people that reach out. I’m saying some people’s hurt is going to take more than… you. Humans will prove that they cannot be relied on, not because they don't want to be but because the expectation of one's personal standard will never be met by the other party's effort. Humans, sadly, were designed for heartbreak. Because it's about relying on the heavenly Father to put your back together. To show you where other people's hurt is heavy for them to carry. Give Jesus the damage that others have caused you. Let Jesus show you where genuine prophecies belong, not your prideful affirmations. He truly wants the best for us all. 

“Humans will want to be heard in their pain more than you can listen to them.”

That man

that man that you placed all your bricks upon, even accidentally

that man that said he'd carry it all for you, no problem

that man that should have happily walked with you in your darkest days

that man that dumped you on your birthday 

that man that confidently filed your taxes for you

that man that is half you 

that man who turned on a dime from who he was

whoever that man is 

you should have been able to rely on him, and I'm sorry for us both. 

My point is this. There is power in your words. The words you speak over your children. The words you write on your mirror. The words you whisper in prayer. The words you proclaim over other people. Do I believe my mother's declarations were the root of my divorce? Absolutely not. But is there power in the tongue? Undeniably yes. There was a reason I had to learn I couldn't entirely rely on a human man. I also thank God that I did find a man on this earth that I can lean into. The promise of my mother's words was meant to keep my heart captive and safe, but it guarded my heart until that contract wasn't needed any longer. Here's the even better news. Affirmations and goals work a lot better when God is involved in them first. After learning about word curses and word promises/blessings... every time I profess that I want or need something, I follow it up with "if it's in Your will Lord." See, I tried for years to do life with Jesus like He was a side dish option, not the main course. Jesus kept pulling me back, reminding me there was a better way. It might be challenging and lonely sometimes, but He's never left me unaided, not one day. So He walks with me and talks with me. He wants the same for us all. 

Speak life.

K Bye

Megan

Doing life, the best I know how…