Imperfectly brilliant
Niche. When I embarked on this blog journey, that word struck me in the gut repeatedly. Niche: a specialized market segment for a particular kind of service or product, a.k.a. your "ideal calling" or vocation. If you're a follower of blogs, you know there are financial blogs, personal development blogs, health and fitness blogs, photography blogs, cooking blogs, Christian blogs, and anything under the sun. If you can do "something" consistently worthwhile, then why not share it with the world, right?
I milled over this question. What is MY something that I'm that good at? To share my words of specialization with the world for a more significant impact.
Dance? Sure, that’s the first contender, right? I've danced my entire life and grew up around dance because my mom owned a studio. I was dance-obsessed growing up. But was I the best dancer? No, not by a long shot. I majored in dance performance at East Carolina University but initially struggled when the dance program didn't accept me. Once I received acceptance, I fell in love with choreography and delved into the choreographic process because creating without judges, rules, or criteria felt so liberating. But I would look around and see that I was falling short of my planned greatness. (Or so I thought, most dancers and creative people are their worst critics.) When I began teaching dance for a living, I loved the lightbulb "a-ha!" moments my students had on and off the stage. So, my love for dance is a passion for dance education and choreographing for those who also the art. If this were my niche, though, wouldn't I be a well-known choreographer or instructor by now?
Literature/English? Along with dance, as far as I can remember, my other obsession was books, words, poems, and sentences that encapsulated precisely how I felt at that moment. Or the pages gave me a grand escape into a world much more kind, magical, dramatic, and suspenseful than my reality. The symbolism of The Wizard of Oz drew me in, as did the tear of two different worlds in The Great Gatsby and the mirror of life and injustices in To Kill a Mockingbird... I just wanted more. In college, I jumped head first into Women's and Children's Literature courses, creative writing, Jewish Literature, and classes covering the classics, mysteries, film writing, and poetry. I was signing up for it if it had 'lit' in the title. Did I want to teach in the school system? No, I was still trying to figure out what to do with this Literature Degree I now held, but I always knew something in me wanted to write. In recent years, my love of words and the complexities of literature have gravitated me towards The Word of God, my focal point. I love reading scriptures, having revelations about the significance of those holy words, and understanding the Word deeper when there is a love and curiosity for the Bible. Listen to me, though! I'm not a Bible scholar, and I'm highly unqualified to say what scripture or what Jesus meant by XYZ because I did not have that formal education. What I need in discernment, the Holy Spirit helps fill in the blanks. The question still lingers… if a way of words were my niche, though, wouldn't I have more followers than just you? Haha, I kid.
“it’ll be okay”
I have a strong affinity for expressing myself through poetry—it's my go-to form of creative written expression.
Fitness? This one is funny because I just stumbled into this arena. Moment of transparency: At this current moment in my life, I'm the heaviest I've ever been and probably the happiest. Dance and physical fitness go hand in hand because you need to be physically fit and able to move to execute certain things correctly, safely, and beautifully for your audience. So, I have been in pretty good shape my entire life. When my previous marriage began to suffer some severe low points, I took to running the pavement and eating more healthily. My drop in weight and smaller clothes size helped boost my self-esteem, but probably not in the best way, as I was trying to check a box of feeling good about myself when everything else was quite literally falling apart around me. That has been my repeating history here. What did I do if I needed to feel better about some external situations? Simple. I shifted gears, not dealing with the real issues at hand, improved the things I could control, and began to look better on the outside for external validation. See how that gets the fitness job done but in a terrible way?
Nevertheless, I had great results and learned a lot about what I should be doing and not doing and eating or not eating, so I gained some cred. I became pilates certified and taught some group classes. I eventually became a short-lived personal trainer and still love teaching my Pop Pilates classes. Workouts are now a boost of happiness instead of an angst sub. I struggle with saying I'm knowledgeable in health and fitness because of my size (I'm no skinny mini) and my weak willpower for questionable food choices (gummy bears!). Yet, I will still try to inspire others to be the best version of themselves. If this were my niche, though, wouldn't I be a size four and be able to pull up?
Parenting? Oh gosh. I mean, I still have children living and eating something that looks like three meals a day, so if that makes a successful mom, I will take it. Being in a blended family is HARD. Yes, that is capital letters. We are still learning the ropes of selflessly loving children that we didn't help create. Also, being a small business owner (and especially in the business of dance) and raising children is hard. I'm far off from calling this my niche... but if it were, wouldn't I know how to handle all the situations with all my children and juggle a work/home balance?
That brings me to entrepreneurship. I'm confident I know what I'm doing most days, but then I'm reminded how I'm not. I've built a business from the ground up in a town where I'm not from, in a saturated field, and I'm still experiencing positive growth. There is something to say about that. I sometimes wish I had had a crystal ball in my past to be better prepared right now. If so, I would have also gone to school for business to learn how the whole running of a business should go. But learning about SEO, algorithms, mass email marketing, etc, on my own... was and still is very overwhelming. I try to read business and marketing books to keep myself steadily fresh. If this were my niche, wouldn't it have a million students? So, the personal inner search continued.
This was one tried dance studio owner after our move to a smaller, yet beautiful studio! Follow us here.
Then, one day, I realized this was it. My niche is this: Comparison. I do this 24/7. Lack of self-confidence? Trauma from past relationships where nothing seemed to go, right? Inability to make a decision from narcissistic abuse? Adhd at its finest? Or is it a recipe where all the above elements are likely thrown in? Probably. Growing up in the 90s, we had Dawsons Creek to watch and Seventeen Magazine to read. The school was our social media. It's hard for me to imagine and grasp the sort of comparison issues this generation of kids will have because literal comparison surrounds them. In the form of likes, loves, shares, and comments. It hurts my heart. Those who think they are loved, valued, and liked don't realize that digital validation doesn't translate well into real life. People who believe they lack sufficient friends on their platforms or invitations in their notifications often think they don't receive enough love, but, in reality, they are adored beyond measure. I have spent my life swimming in the deep end of self-doubt and coming up for breath seeking external validation to define my narrative.
I want to offer support in all life areas because I have been there. It felt like I was a complete failure at everything. I couldn't live with the disappointment that others suffered on my account. That guilt was from the enemy and manipulative people around me.
I struggled for months with this thought: God is asking me to speak and write,
but how can I speak or write about anything if I'm not great or “successful” at one thing?
So, my particular niche is this: giving over the weight of perfection and comparison to my heavenly Father.
At Legacy Dance Project, the studio I own, we now say our studio is a dance studio that HAPPENS to do one competition a year. If you are familiar with the dance competition world, you know about skimpy costumes, questionable music choices, pointless awards, the endless number of unmet expectations, terribly long nights, and the umpteen rehearsals that lead up to that. Don't get me wrong, numerous positives go along with competing, but at some point, I had to take a step back and realize this wasn't what I wanted for my daughter and my students. God had and still has something else in mind for my dance studio.
Letting go also may look like downsizing or reducing. On a business level, success is always objective. There are always goals to meet to hit some benchmark. The previous location of my dance studio during COVID (and the return to life after COVID) severely hurt my enrollment while my rent kept increasing.
I reached a point where I realized that either Legacy no longer existed or I had to explore alternative locations to minimize overhead and make the bottom line more feasible. That's a very humbling act. I'm so thankful God opened that door for the students of Legacy and myself to continue. I persistently pray that God ordains my steps to walk His way so I can give Him the glory. He is what keeps me, and my success sustained.
I've stopped counting calories religiously and understand my skinny-ness doesn't make me beautiful or desirable. (Ladies, if your man wants to say otherwise, private message me for another conversation! A man wanting you to lose or gain weight to meet his desire is a huge red flag, my friend.) I'm exercising regularly for my health and mobility, not for my extreme weight loss. It's so relieving.
Chris and I routinely have open, candid conversations about our relationship and the children. Since we're not experts on this blended family thing, we seek Christian married parents who have had incredible success raising their well-rounded kids. We also pursue the help of Pastors to help us navigate this new area. If you aren't successful at something, look for the resources to help elevate you to the next level. Just the simple fact that as parents, admitting you don't know everything and wanting to seek out professionals and spirit-led people so you can create harmony and not chaos means you, in fact, are doing the right thing before the Lord.
And even this blog…whenever I post, I get someone else's eyes to read what I publish. One is for proofreading errors, and there's nothing wrong with that. The other is also for that same external validation. I even have that hateful voice in the back of my head...
"Why are you posting about fitness when you struggle with your weight daily and you gained five pounds last week!?"
"Are you really going to post something about fashion or clothes? Look at them! You don't have the budget to splurge and buy expensive brands, and no one will probably like that outfit or anything anyway!"
"Are you posting about lame makeup products again?! NO ONE CARES, MEGAN!",
"I know someone out there is saying, 'Look at Megan, posting about what God has done for her. I know how she used to be and the things she used to do. She's so high and mighty now.'"
But I'm giving the enemy up. For the first time, I won't take heed to that little voice that brings up the spirit of fear. Fear! The enemy causes me to have imposter syndrome. For me to think I'm less than. For me to believe I'm not worthy enough to hold my boundaries. Causing me to apologize for almost everything. For me to think my faults overshadow the good I could be doing. I wrongly believe I must have everything figured out before stepping out in faith. So, my friends, if you have gotten this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I hope you see the things you wish you were better at: fitness, parenting, being a Christian, a sport, your occupation, teaching, saving and making money, keeping the house clean, making outstanding grades, being the best wife or significant other you can be... whatever it is, that is the enemy trying to convince you have nothing to offer this world. That being that someone out there does it "better" than you, there's no point in talking about, being proud of, or posting your achievements for the people to see. If the enemy can convince you that what you do doesn't matter, that you're better off just staying silent, or that there's no point in it if blah blah blah is doing it and doing it faster, better, more than you, then the devil wins. He gains your health, your children, your spirit, your uniqueness, your passion, your story and testimony, your prosperity, and your harmony. I'm here to remind you that you can take back what's yours right now. It was never his to have. God gave you all your gifts and personality, so don't ever think it's worthless; it's too flawed, imperfect, or less than. Let's be more in 2024! The enemies attempt to undermine your worth and convince you your efforts are futile; they hold no more power! Reclaim what’s rightfully yours from God!
K bye
Megan
Doing life the best I know how…