I’m really good at lots, great at almost nothing.

I used to write and write. I mean write anything. Lists, poems, short stories, plays, recipes, newsletters, speeches, TV show scripts… like almost everything. Like every little girl trying to find her way in this “follow your dreams” world, I gave my material to my mom to read. She’d like it but never really gush over it. There was no “this is the best thing I’ve ever written” and “this deserves an award” kind of dialogue that followed after. So, I’d quickly discard my efforts as… pointless.

Somewhere along the lines as I was navigating adolescence with Blossom reruns, I decided the thing you’re supposed to do in life is the thing you did extremely well. So that was an issue for me. Was the best dancer in my classes? No. Was I the best student? No. Was I the best Christian kid in my youth group? Absolutely not. Did I even feel like gifted in my family? Sadly, no. I ventured into every area trying to find the expert that was supposed to be me. In dance, art, school, amongst my friends, in my family. I couldn’t find her.

But I remember something that stuck out to me. I wanted my mother’s approval so bad (as did you probably and as does your child now, if you have any). I started handing over my scribbled sheets of paper to my mother with a precursor, “It’s not very good” or “It’s not really finished” or “I’m not great at it”.

“You don’t have to be great at it, to enjoy it”, is what my mother said to me.

So, writing stuck. I’m not great at it, but I truly enjoy stringing together words and phrases that reach somewhere in the dark corners of my closet or in other people’s hearts and souls long enough to connect me to you. Just to say, you’re going to be okay or you’re not alone or I see you.

So I am a good ______________________, but not a great one. Fill in the blank accordingly.

1 PUBLIC SPEAKER:

If you have seen me right before I go and give my annual short speech during the Legacy Dance Project Showcase, then you know, I am doubled over with my hands on my knees, breathing heavily professing I’m going to throw up. Something about getting in front of paying clients and putting basically a huge commercial on stage for all to see and having to preface that with a speech is nerve racking. Most people afterwards say you couldn’t tell I was nervous but if only they had seen me just seconds before they’d know how much that terrifies me.

2 BEING A DOG MOM:

Jolene, our lab/dane dog, is straight up crazy! I love her dearly though. She’s alive and fed and has regular vet checkups. But I’m not a great dog mom. Jolene isn’t allowed on the couches or beds and doesn’t get human food. She’s crate trained extremely well because I am working so much and I fail miserably at taking her on walks. I’ll create a whole blog post dedicated to her soon though.

Jolene, Jolene, Jooooolene

3 BEING A PUT TOGETHER WOMAN:

I don’t know if I phrased that right. Let me explain. One day, my hair is curled and fabulously great. The next week my can it’s dirty and in a hat because I haven’t washed it in two days. My makeup situation goes as the follow: a, natural and pretty well done. b, not a stitch on because life kind of got away with me that day. c, super overdone to the point of people look at me confused wondering if I’m doing a weird toddlers and tiaras thing just because I went to the grocery store. There’s usually no rhyme or reason. I just go with it. I have no signature scent and my idea of accessorizing is adding a bracelet that probably doesn’t coordinate with my outfit that day. I get extremely excited when I feel like look like I have half of my life together out in public. I love all the extensive and expensive skincare products but it’s nothing for me to go to bed with all my makeup still on because of exhaustion and scroll-itis on social media.

4 AUTHOR/WRITER:

I majored in Dance and English at East Carolina University so both have a soft spot in my heart. I was supposed to be this dance teacher extrodiare and a best selling author by now. Have y’all seen my book? Because I haven’t either. And it makes me upset. I have started writing my book and my story like four different times now and can’t get it together. That passion to write is so locked within my soul. Writing our emotions, feelings, journeys, testimonies, and stories is such an essential part of human. But to my personal standard, I will always fall short. I could have always been more academic. I could have utilized better vocabulary. Fears like that and others paralyzes me and my book.

5 HOMEOWNER:

I WISH I had the Joanna Gaines magic touch. I recently bought a house about a year ago and there’s still carpet in my bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s taking extremely too long for my house to look like what it does in my head. There’s evidence that any progress is good but I long for the day I have the finances and time to make my farmhouse look like its ready for entertaining at the drop of a hat.

The Fremont Farmhouse

6 FITNESS GURU:

I once upon a time was a personal trainer and I didn’t like that at all. I do still stand by practicing pilates as result for a healthy lifestyle. I teach group fitness classes and love the energy we shar at Barre Haus. We have the best time! We laugh and fellowship and burn the cupcake calories. I don’t track macros. I don’t count calories anymore. There’s no telling where my fitbit watch is. My willpower to not eat gummy worms isn’t strong enough. I exercise solely for the serotonin release and to maintain my current health. I understand that may not be everyone’s relationship with fitness or their motivation to workout. I wish I didn’t complain about it as much as I do. I desire to exercise every day. But I don’t.

7 HOME CHEF:

How I became obsessed about cooking is a true mystery to me. I started Family Fridays in high school where my cousin and I would cook for our family as we hung out. Did I want to hear how great our cooking and dishes were? Probably. But we enjoyed the company more than the food most times. I now, almost compulsively, have a desire to cook through cookbooks like Magnolia Table and the Martha Stewart Annual Cookbooks. I have to go in order, always. I honestly have no idea why. I’m a real chef though. I can’t look in my fridge, see what I have available and just go to town. I don’t instinctively know the cook time to bake chicken. I’m a really great copycat though. Some recipes that I complete turn out beautifully and I get to pretend I’m a chef in a 5-star Michelin resturant and sometimes… I throw it in the trash before it ever makes it to the table. Any real culinary knowledge and/or training I’ve acquired has been by watching my dad cook hamburger helper and all seasons of the Great British Bake Off.

Chocolate Souffle

8 MOTHER:

Every mom feels this way, I promise! My daughter’s school pictures are still in the cellophane envelope they came home in. My daughter does not have a consistent bedtime, not because I don’t care but because as a single working mom, I’m not home till about 9:30 at night. We make wonderful memories, I try to make her eat her vegetables, and make her study her spelling words. In a world of parents being able to sound off their children’s achievements of honor roll, perfect attendance, this award, that accolade on social media, its quite easy to feel like you haven’t done enough for your child. Even when you have! I think every parent absolutely should be proud of their child’s hard work. They deserve it. I’m saying that comparison syndrome that resided with us as longing children creeps back at the most opportune times.

9 ENTRUPRIENER:

I work with children of all ages. That’s my business. So, it’s incredibly hard to not take things personally when it comes to my students. That either makes me to best studio owner or the worst (I don’t know, maybe there’s a middle ground there somewhere). I connect with families personally so the given nature of the dance studio itself is personal. The line of business dividing personal gets fuzzy and tons of people don’t like to see Teacher/Owner Megan as human just like them. It should be about enrollment numbers, paying the rent, cutting cost, goal setting says any businessperson. It’s about school issues, relationships, overcoming anxiety, and gaining self-confidence says the caring teacher/mentor. So, yes, it’s so much more than a business to me. And that makes me a very bad business owner. I’m a really great teacher but not a great studio owner.

10 CHRISTIAN

I’m obsessed with Jesus. People that went to high school and college with me probably find that statement crazy. I always thought I was a good Christian. I was highly mistaken. My hurt and pain affected me more than I possibly knew or wanted to admit rather. When I began experiencing Jesus in a completely different way, I became obsessed. I read the Bible religiously. I want to know when I’m speaking Jesus to someone, that what I’m saying is truth. Being deeply involved in the investigation of who Jesus is very fresh for me. Jesus is the one who set my heart on fire for Him because I’m telling y’all, I was not that person. I am not curious for my own sake. There’s no way I’m going to understand all the sides of Jesus, but I want to be equipped with as much of Him as possible for my family and my community. My prayer for you is you draw closer and closer to Him. I so wish I had stepped into this beautiful world earlier. I’m just here to hold the hands of those who want to come along with me to find more and more Him.

It is no secret that I believe social media is not helpful (and rather harmful) when it comes to personal healing, uniting us with love and encouragement, and our younger generations growth and knowledge. So, I’m determined to take what was meant for evil and use it for good. I’m willing to sit here and tell you all the things I’m not great because ultimately, it’s not about the plants I try to grow, the outfit of the day, the recipes I attempt, the workouts I struggle through…

It’s about using the things you have readily available in your life that give you true joy and thanking God for those things, not because you’re great at them, but because you are good at them. There’s a reason why you enjoy the things you do. Because those things that add to you for your betterment, not your detriment, I have to believe those good things are God-given.

Take a look around at what’s your not great at and I bet you’ll find God right there in the middle of the goodness.

K Bye

Megan

Doing life, the best I know how…